Fear

After tossing and turning all night long, I woke up this morning with that "hit by a truck" feeling. Out of habit more than will, I rolled over and picked up my devotional magazine and Bible off the nightstand. Immediately my eyes fell on this scripture, "Don't be afraid; just believe." (Mark 5:36).

My devotional passage expanded on that admonishment, as follows: "No one ever gets mountain-moving faith by obsessing about the mountains. They get it by focusing on God... We think about the threats to our well-being, never realizing that the threats are lies and our God is true. Will we suffer harm? Perhaps--but not ultimately, not out of His time, and not without a greater purpose. Faith knows that, and it isn't afraid." Tears rolled out of my swollen eyes as I silently thanked God for guiding me in such a personal way and giving me the strength to get out of bed and face this day.

I didn't feel like eating, so I skipped breakfast and checked my email instead. There were 18 messages from well wishers assuring us of their prayers and support, more clear evidence of God's presence. My heart swelled with gratitude for God's care and our loved ones' prayers.

I called Steve twice to see how Micah is doing. He has only complained of pain, and slight nausea, a few times. But he and his sisters are enjoying their big brother, aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins. I think the doctor was right: going to see the family is proving to be beneficial for him and Steve and the girls. The mother in me wanted to keep Micah close and never let him go. But I know that is neither possible nor healthy, for either of us.

Micah called me about 9:00 tonight, screaming excitedly such that I couldn't even understand him. I finally gathered that Grandpa and Grandma bought them a Wii for Christmas, and he and his sisters were overjoyed. Micah played our friends' Wii a few weeks ago and discovered a new talent: boxing. At least now he can beat up cartoon characters instead of his sisters. :)